Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
