she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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