Moan for me like Helen Keller
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
