I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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