guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize