Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
