I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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