He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
