1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize