im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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