i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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