soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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