i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
