those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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