In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
