we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize