Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
