I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
