The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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