I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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