Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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