I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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