Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
