I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
