just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
