you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
