The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
