Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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