Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
