If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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