He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
either way he was missing a nipple.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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