your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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