my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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