Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
