What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
