He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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