everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
