you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
