we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
