tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
