Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
