So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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