I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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