It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
