sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
