I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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