I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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