I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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