Girls should come with a carfax report
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
