they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
