She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
