I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
