She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
