I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
