Will you blow on my dice?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need a beard to bite.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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