We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
