You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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