he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
