Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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