I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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