I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
