dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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