at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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