first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
