you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
