Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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