Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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