It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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