I'm eating all of the evidence.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
