I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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